it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
