dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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