If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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