About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
