In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
