So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
