you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
