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• (305): View more from Florida

  You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me

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• (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning

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