Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
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