U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
