I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
