I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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