i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
