why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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