I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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