The maid of honor just puked.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
