I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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