I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
