How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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