I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
