No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
