i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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