where am i from again
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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