OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
