im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
