This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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