I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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