I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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