You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
