And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
