Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
