my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
