Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
