Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
