1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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