If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is wine microwaveable?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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