I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
