whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
