Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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