what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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