They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
