so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
