Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
