Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
