The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
