you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
