I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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