i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
