puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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