my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
