I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
