If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
