she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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