I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
