Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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