Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
