Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
