it's like iHOP with fire
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
