Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
