I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
