Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he thought i was a dude.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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