yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
