A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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