i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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