I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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