If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize