just tell him i said nine months
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
