Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Randomize
Follow @tfln