I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
