If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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