nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
