can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
