So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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