u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
