I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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