Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
