Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
