Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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