Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
