We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
