Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
