I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
