Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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