i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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