Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
