weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
