Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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