Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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