You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
