Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
