Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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