Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
